why do you call it fear?

life in transition

some evenings in my bed
restless

alone

my shoulders are cold
the cold is shivering down my arms and my spine
I feel stuck in my upper belly
I feel stuck in my thoughts

how will it be how will it be how will it be how will it be how will it be how will it be how will it be how will it be how will it be how will it be what can i do what can i do what can i do what should i do what should i do what should i do what should i dostuck in fear
i know… something about the body… but where should i start where to start where to start i’m already breathing how will it be how will it be how will it be how will it be how will it be how will it be how will it be what can i do what can i do what can i do what can i do what can i do what should i do what should i do what should i do i should know what to do i should know what to do…
yes, something with movement… but where to start its real that i don’t just need to move my body that i need to do something ‚outside‘ of myself, there needs to be next steps what should i do what should i do i should know what to do i should know what to do

latenightrollercoaster.
not to be alone, i call

he asks ‚why do you call it fear and not just a lot of energy?‘

hm.

i would call it energy, if the movement would go through my whole body and right now it’s just this cold sensation and the ‚stuckness’ in the belly. ‚stuckness’ of movement, that i can’t direct anywhere. and that creates noise in my thoughts.

nextdayafternoon.
a safe space
she asks ‘if it’s allowed not to be directed anywhere, how does the fear want to move?‘

i try. i allow whatever movement comes. without directing it.
weird movements. slow movements. almost stuttering in between.
first in my left should, arm, wrist. moving through to the pelvis and right leg and in the end the whole body.

how will it be? i don’t know
what can i do? i don’t know
what should i do? i don’t know
i should know what to do. no.

my body is warm. the belly can move.
my thoughts are quiet

i move. i breathe. i rest.

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