Preparing for a Leap
In a way restless… In a way curious… Like I’m about to take a big leap.
In university, studying theory of intercultural communication, I was missing my body. I felt that I had become a giant head that was turning pages in books, but didn’t have any opportunity to otherwise express myself.
In theatre and youth work I loved the play. The whole body experience. Whole person for that matter… Creative, in contact with people, intense emotional learning and explorations. The body was involved… mainly in expression though. And at some point I kind of collapsed. I didn’t have tools to contain all the energy in a way that I can continue. Didn’t know how to add moments of rest or attend to the side of the body that needs care and recovery.
So I turned to bodywork. And learned tools to gain energy that blew my mind. And still do! I love being able to connect to people, express myself fully, in another country (actually experiencing the theories on expatriation… about to go to the next chapter: repatriation… ), in different languages, with power and curiosity. And still something in this is… so serious.
I found swing dancing. I started building masks and playing with them. I explored the Saxophone. Moving in weird and fun ways whenever I feel like it. I started creating little silly faces that I send out in the streets of cities I walk in, sending out little greetings of playfulness.
All of this next to the bodywork and somehow feeling as if these different elements of mine are in conflict with each other. Feeling a bit scattered… And as if… some things are always in hiding… and I don’t do things long enough to be professional… Or a kind of pressure to decide, because only if I really focus on one thing, do I really mean it… Fucking frustrating.
Last year, I reached out for thinking-mates and did this: I looked at
e v e r y t h i n g .
Body working. Teaching dance. Creating workshops – online and off. Holding speeches. Dancing. Baking. Book writing. Babysitting. Traveling. Thinking about ethics. Peace-educational Youthwork. Doula-ing. Knitting. Falling in love. Moving in all kinds of ways.
Finally a thread linking what felt conflicting:
I connect, I feel, I think
and I play.
When I get to do these things, I’m well. I feel whole. In integrity.
So… the leap for 2018: Integrating this in my work . So exciting.
How will this be received?
Will people still want to come and be around me? Still take me ‚for real‘?
Will someone come to my workshops?
Will they explore with me?
Serious body work and transformation and blah… and then playing…
Thinking, body and feeling, maybe that’s obvious, but playing?
This is oh so serious and I want to play more.
Impatience and vulnerability mixing in my belly.
Because… this life can be oh so serious…
Sitting on my chair. Writing. Turning the music on and my restlessness into a fun sitting dance.
Posting this now. Out to the world. Here we go.
Aaaaahhh (yelling and doing my face dance turning into a smile… )
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