Mixed Messages.

I don’t enjoy mixed messages

Sometimes they can make me go crazy. And they used to make me feel horrible – because sometimes I just can’t decode which of the messages my counterpart wants me to listen to or act on.
I have experienced this in many ways – saying contradicting things; saying one thing acting in a different way; saying one thing with words and expressing another message through the body and atmosphere or even tone of what’s being said.
At times I really suffered. In situations where social conduct dictates polite behavior, while I could sense everyone sending different messages.
Or mixed messages within myself: being convinced to want to do something specific and having a huge headache that seems all-overshadowing.

Or just the “mixed messages” of life being complexe and there being more than one answer to a situation.

I can get quite angry at people for sending double messages; or be confused on how to act. My energy can get trapped in trying to figure someone/something out. (While I know, I also send out mixed messages and am not in any way always a hundretprocent clear).

Another example: I don’t always get it when someone is flirting with me. Unless they’re like super obvious: want to come in the bathtub with me? Can I ask you out?

And am not always sure how to subtly flirt myself. I’m often wondering how to interpret the reaction, my own action (too much? not enough? am I flirting or just curious about a person? What’s the difference?) etc.

I developed different strategies for myself to deal with these challenges –

I ask questions until the message is really clear to me.
I learned to notice that my headache and my wanting occur in the same space – my body – and by asking more and more questions/ noticing more clearly what I do there, I can clarify for myself if at the moment the headache and silence or my wanting and activity have priority.
In social situations I can relax more into just listening in on different conversations and only say something when I really want, instead of having this command in my head that I should focus on one conversation and have to contribute.
By being able to relax in that, I have learned to stay longer in the uncertainty of mixed messages without freaking out, giving up or acting prematurely. And “wait” until something in this big mess crystalizes as the next step, the next priority and until then just to take in the information loosely.
I’m not a very subtle person. I like it when life is clear with me.

But I’m training. Every day. To create more clarity. And to maintain my energy when gaining that clarity takes longer than expected.
Training to be in the field of unknown I suffer much less. Of mixed messages and complexe reality.

Instead – I enjoy life. In it’s intensity.

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